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SAT og 5满分作文解析

本文来源于留学啦 2011-09-27 19:58 阅读次 标签SAT满分作文
围绕论题有效、深刻地发展一个论点,运用贴切的事例、因果分析和其他证据支持论点,从而展示出色的思辨能力。 针对命题“为了认识自己,我们是否需要他人?”,本文采用让步法,先承认“我们必须忘记无理的恶言恶语,以保持适度的自尊。”

一、写作题目

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below

A better understanding of other people contributes to the development of moral virtues. We shall be both kinder and fairer in our treatment of others if we understand them better. Understanding ourselves and understanding others are connected, since as human beings we all have things in common.

Assignment: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

题目翻译:

更好地了解他人有助于道德品行的发展。如果我们更好地了解他人的话,我们就会更加友好和公正地对待他们。了解自己和了解他人是紧密相连的,因为作为人类我们都有共同点。

命题:为了认识自己,我们是否需要他人?

二、6分范文

Most parents and teachers tell students the extremely tired cliché of the consequences of following the crowd. It is said that, in order to be a completely individual thinker, one must ignore what others say. Such advice is certainly true to some extent; unreasonable malice must be forgotten in order to keep some level of self-esteem. However, as with most ideas, this one can not be taken in absolute form. In at least some respects, we need other people in order to understand ourselves.

An excellent example of a literary character that could have psychologically benefitted from social interaction is J. Alfred Prufrock from T.S. Eliot’s poem “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.” In the poem, Prufrck desires a relationship with a woman very much, but he refrains from initiating conversation because he fears that he could not hold the interest of a sophisticated lady. Should Prufrock have taken the step to accept other people into his life, he most likely would have discovered, as the reader of the poem certainly did, that he is most articulate. Others would have impressed upon him the beauty of his words and his talent for prose. If Prufrock would have spoken his song a loud, the ladies surely would have shown him what he himself did not understand. Since the ladies would reveal Prufrock’s talents to him, it is true that we need others in order to understand ourselves.

The lesson of learning from other’s opinions of yourself extends much farther than the song of a fictional character. Two days ago, in an art class, my group of students had assigned self portraits due. Most of us brought in photographs of ourselves. Nevertheless, one boy brought nothing and handed us all slips of paper. He told us to write a word to describe him, and when we had done so, he pasted the words on a poster. This must have been a revealing exercise for him because, upon the sight of such descriptions as “bitter” and “sarcastic”, he was shocked. In the case of this boy, he had not realized how his personality appeared to others. Though he might not have thought himself “bitter”, his friend’s comments certainly made him seem that way. The fact that we need others in order to understand ourselves is clearly shown by this boy’s revelation.

范文翻译:

随大流的后果是大多数家长和老师对学生挂在嘴边的老生常谈。他们说,为了成为完全独立的思想者,一个人必须忽视他人的看法。在某种程度上,这种建议是正确的;我们必须忘记无理的恶言恶语,以保持适度的自尊。然而,和对待其他思想一样,我们对此种思想的认同也不能绝对化。至少,在某些方面,我们需要他人的帮助以认识自己。

一位文学人物,T.S.艾略特(T.S. Eliot)的诗作“J·阿尔弗瑞德·普鲁弗洛克的情歌”(“The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.”)中的主人公J·阿尔弗瑞德·普鲁弗洛克(J. Alfred Prufrock)是这一观点的绝佳范例。他本可以从社会交往中得到心理慰藉。在诗中,普鲁弗洛克渴望能和一位女子发展关系,但由于担心自己无法引起一位见多识广的女士的兴趣,他不敢主动上前攀谈。如果普鲁弗洛克能够行动起来,将他人纳入生活的话,他很可能会和该诗的读者一样,发现自己是多么的精于言辞。人们会折服于他的锦绣文章和绝妙文才。如果普鲁弗洛克能够大声唱出他的情歌,女士们一定会带他发现他所不了解的事情。由于女士们能为普鲁弗洛克揭示他的才能,所以我们确实需要他人的帮助以认识自己。

从他人对自己的看法中受益的经验可不只跟虚构人物的情歌有关。两天前是我们小组学生的美术课作业交稿日,作业是一幅自画像。大部分学生带来了自己的照片。然而,一个男生空手而来,并且递给我们每人一张纸条。他让我们每人写一个词形容他。我们完成以后,他把这些词粘在一张大纸上。这对他来说一定是一次发现之旅,因为看见诸如“刻薄”,“尖酸”之类的形容词,他震惊了。对这位男生来说,他从未认识到在别人眼里他是怎样的个性。虽然他可能并不认为自己“刻薄”,但朋友的评论显然表明他是这样的。这位男生的启示清楚地证明了,我们需要别人的帮助以认识自己。

三、得分点详解

1effectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using clearly appropriate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its position

围绕论题有效、深刻地发展一个论点,运用贴切的事例、因果分析和其他证据支持论点,从而展示出色的思辨能力。

针对命题“为了认识自己,我们是否需要他人?”,本文采用让步法,先承认“我们必须忘记无理的恶言恶语,以保持适度的自尊。”(unreasonable malice must be forgotten in order to keep some level of self-esteem.),接下来笔锋一转,指出“然而,和对待其他思想一样,我们对此种思想的认同也不能绝对化。”(However, as with most ideas, this one can not be taken in absolute form.)然后提出论点 “至少,在某些方面,我们需要他人的帮助以认识自己。”(In at least some respects, we need other people in order to understand ourselves.)。这种开头方式充分考虑了双方立场,体现出思维的全面性和逻辑的严密性。为了支持论点,作者以T.S.艾略特(T.S. Eliot)的诗作“J·阿尔弗瑞德·普鲁弗洛克的情歌”(“The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.”)中的主人公J·阿尔弗瑞德·普鲁弗洛克(J. Alfred Prufrock)和自己的同学为例,从正反两方面论证了他人在自我认识中的重要地位。普鲁弗洛克没能跨出与人交往的第一步,因而失去了发现自己才能的机会;而作者的同学则从组员的评价中看见了自己未曾意识到的一面。在叙述事例时,作者实现了抽象概念具体化,普鲁弗洛克事例中的他人是指普鲁弗洛克未能与之交往的女士们,而自我认识则是指认识到普鲁弗洛克的语言天分。同学的事例中他人是指组员,自我认识是指这位同学“尖酸”“刻薄”的个性。(upon the sight of such descriptions as “bitter” and “sarcastic”, he was shocked.)在普鲁弗洛克的事例中,作者采用了假设推理法,指出既然“情歌”展示出普鲁弗洛克超强的语言驾驭能力,那么,如果普鲁弗洛克能够和女士们交往的话,他就会从她们口中听到对他“锦绣文章和绝妙文才”的赞扬,从而“发现自己是多么的精于言辞” (Should Prufrock have taken the step to accept other people into his life, he most likely would have discovered, as the reader of the poem certainly did, that he is most articulate. Others would have impressed upon him the beauty of his words and his talent for prose. If Prufrock would have spoken his song a loud, the ladies surely would have shown him what he himself did not understand.)后一个例子作者从现象分析原因,抓住同学的“震惊”,推理出朋友的评论一定让他突然看见了和自我评价不相符的一面。

这篇文章分析非常深刻,事例也很贴切,展现了出色的思辨能力。

2is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas

结构合理,中心明确,思路连贯,衔接自然。

文章采用总-分结构,首段提出论点,其余两段用事例证明论点。没有总结段是个小小的遗憾。在叙述事例的时候,作者综合运用了表示因果的 “because”, “since”,表示转折的 “but”, “nevertheless”, “though”等过渡词,第三段开头作者以“从他人对自己的看法中受益的经验可不只跟虚构人物的情歌有关。”(The lesson of learning from other’s opinions of yourself extends much farther than the song of a fictional character.)引出第二个例子,十分自然。

全文紧扣论点,不枝不蔓,起承转合十分得体。

3exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary

显示运用语言的技巧,词汇丰富、准确、恰当

4demonstrates meaningful variety in sentence structure

运用多种句子结构

5is free of most errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics

在语法、用法和技巧上错误很少

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